I Will Stand By You
by sassyjayhasltead
Summary: One shot (who will eventually turn into a multichapter if you like it) It take place at the end of 2x03 when Jay his alone in the hospital. (alternative ending.)
1. Chapter 1

**_So I don't know if it will be only a one shot or if I will write more. Tell me what do you think. And forgive me for the mistake you will read but I wanted to post it today. Anyway it's_****_ happened at the end of the 2x03 it's basically about Jay and his stand of mind at the end of the episode but this time he is not alone._**

* * *

><p>Seating alone in the hallway of the hospital, the tears were slowly rolling down his cheeks. The tears he tried to hold back for so long were finally falling. After this long day, Jay Halstead finally let his guard down, and to be honest he couldn't hold the tears much longer. She nearly die because of him. He couldn't get off the idea that if he hadn't be in this bar, she wouldn't have be laying on bed fighting for her life. The young detective run his hand all over his face wiping the tears that fall again and again. He couldn't control himself. For once since a long time he let himself being weak, but as always he will never saw his weakness in front of his coworker tomorrow. He will act like always, put a smile on his lips and faking that everything was alright.<p>

The truth is, today remind him so much things._"I don't have any beneficiaries anyway."_ The words echoes in his mind all over again. He was alone, if he died no one will cares, he doesn't have blood family anymore. They're gone. Intelligence is his family for sure, he has no doubt about that but it's not the same. He would like to have real family as Antonio or Ruzek have. He envy them in silence, even if it's not the better time for Antonio he envy him. Having someone other that in this unit to lean on. Which Jay doesn't have anymore. If he was honest he even envy her partner. He will always keep his lips sealed in front of her because of her past, but actually Erin has Voight. Her father figure that will always be there for her. No mater what Voight will always standing by her side until the end.

Then he remind of the Corson family. How he spend so much time with them because it feel so comfortable and right to share moment with them. He couldn't tell how much time he spent with them but he do know that it was always pleasant and soothing to be with them. However, when he came back from Afghanistan after his last tour he slowly push the only peoples that care deeply about him away. And he know that he hurt them for not letting them helping him. Nonetheless, Danny, Gail and Allie always keep an eyes on him. No matter how he behave with the three of them they stand by his side and it's always shock him how they always came back to him. Jay could say that they are his family.

Once again he pass his hand all over his face, rubbing his forehead breathing heavily. Right now he wanted to have someone seating next to him, holding his hand but without saying anything but on the other hand he wanted to be alone and breakdown without anyone know it. At this moment he was struggle between the idea of staying here alone or go at his partner's place for some comfort. For about a minute think about it, but renounced knowing that Erin still have to deal with her own problem, her mother.

It's why he just stay here, seating on the floor, eyes closed, his forehead resting on his arms. He was still breathing loudly and he tried to breath normally again. Then he reach his head looking around him as he was lost. Actually he didn't wanted to be alone right now, but as usual no one was standing by his side when he need it. It's maybe his fault to, Jay as the bad habits of pushing people away when they just want to help. Suddenly he heard the door cracked behind him and stood up immediately.

She was there, standing in front of him with a beautiful black dress. "I was sure to find you here. How's Maddie doing ?" She ask him in a soft voice.

"She's gonna be okay." His voice was only a whispered and he wasn't even sure if she heard what he said.

"That's a good news...it's great right ?"

"She nearly died because of me Erin, she take a bullet that was meant to me." He said harshly. Once again he was pushing her away when she just want to be there for him. "Sorry I...I just..." He didn't finish his sentence he just sit in silence.

It's look like Jay might break down at any seconds, she could see it in his eyes, they were lost somewhere as he was thinking of something else. He wasn't with her anymore, not mentally. Instead of saying anything that could eventually hurt her partner she lay her hand on his shoulder showing him some comfort. However, he didn't move, he didn't even blink. Indeed he was somewhere else lost in his mind thinking about only god knows what.

"She could have died."

"But she's alive and she will be okay. Don't do that to yourself Jay, stop blaming you for what happened, it's not your fault." She said, holding his hand with hers. "You should go home, get some sleep."

"You know all my life I things that I would prefer to forget. Every time I close my eyes I can see my friends on the floor, bleeding, screaming, crying. And today I saw my friend take a bullet that was meant for me. I never saw that before and I can tell you that I already saw enough for a lifetime." Jay face her still holding her hand. "I remember carrying the dead bodies of my brothers and my sisters, the kids...my parents. Today just remind me how much I lost."

"I was so scared of losing you today." Erin admit in a whispered looking her partner deeply in his eyes, after a few minutes of silence. "I'm glad you okay." She lean her head on his shoulder without letting go his hand. They stay here in a comfortable silence not waiting to break it and even she wanted to she didn't know what to say.

"Can I stay at your place tonight ?" Jay asked her hesitantly.

"Of course you can." She reach her head looking at him in the eyes.

Thirty minutes later Jay was watching his partner slowly falling asleep in her bed next to him. At this moment he didn't think about anything, he was just looking at her with a small smile on his lips and when he didn't expect it he feel a tear rolling down his face then Erin opened her eyes.

"Whatever happened Jay I will always stand by you, as the unit." She said wiping his tear. "Always. Now you should tried to sleep."

* * *

><p><strong><em>I really want to know what do you guys think about it so tell me. <em>**


	2. Author note

_**So first I wanted to thank you all for the reviews, really it's mean everything for me so thank you. **_

_**This is not a new chapter but as many of you guys want me to continue I decide to continue this story. I already start the chapter two and I have many idea in mind. If you want to see anything special in the next chapter just tell me. **_


	3. Remember Everything

**_Here we go, I finally post the chapter two. I wanted to thank all of you who read my story and let a review. I'm glad that you like the first chapter and I really hope you will like the new one as much as the first. _ **

**_Enjoy!_**

* * *

><p><strong><em>Chapter two : Remember everything<em> **

Each attempt to finally fall asleep were a failure. It was nearly one in the morning when he slowly rolls his head to see his sleeping partner next to him. She look peaceful, once again he envy her. For all he knows, he always had sleeping problems and it only gets worse after his parent's death. If he had to be honest he couldn't tell the last time he slept eight hours. Instead of closing his eyes another times hoping to finally fall asleep he carefully got up of the bed making sure to not wake her up. He slipped into his jeans, put a shirt on, grabbed his boots and left the apartment in silence praying that Erin doesn't notice his absence until the morning.

He walked into the night without any goal, he didn't know where to go or what to do, as and when he walks he could feel the tears in his eyes slowly rolling along his face, his vision progressively becomes blurred but he keeps walking in the darkness. After long minutes a strong light dazzled him it takes him some moment to settle his eyes to the light. It was a bar, actually he was at Molly's, without even thinking that they were maybe about to close Jay pushed the door and sat at the counter, waiting to drown his sorrows in alcohol. Although he knows it wasn't the best idea all he wanted for now was a drink. He needed a drink of a strong whisky.

"You know we're about to close right ?" A female voice bring him back to the reality, it was Dawson.

"Gabby, I really need a drink." Mumble staring at the bottle of whisky she was holding.

"Okay. What is it ?"

He quickly glances at her, trying to avoid any eyes contact. Instead of telling her anything he just drunk the whisky she poured him a few seconds before. Jay pass his hand on his face closing his eyes at the same time but opened them as soon as he close them. Each time he winks all he sees is the blood, the body of his friends overseas lying on the floor, the limbs shred by the mine, Ben Corson, his parents. It's crazy that in less than twenty-four hours every bad memories slowly resurface.

"Give me another one."

Gabby poured him another shot under the fixed gaze of her former lover. Maybe lover wasn't the good term as they didn't date for so long. She watch him taking the bottle on hands pushing his glass away from him. _"What the hell happened to him ?"_ It was all she could think about, after all she never saw him like that.

"Are you gonna tell me what's going on or you just gonna get yourself drunk ?

"I might prefer the second offer if you don't mind." He replied after drinking at the bottle again.

"Come on Jay." She start her hand on his arms. "Tell me what's going on."

Jay look at her but keep his lips sealed, he didn't wanted to talk about today or what it remind him for now all he wanted was his best friend of the moment and his best enemy of tomorrow morning, Jack Daniels.

"You should go home Jay." He heard Gabby whisper with her soft voice.

"I've seen things that keeps me awake everything night...and I did things..." He said in a murmur. "I already seen enough for a lifetime and today...she could have died because of me." At the end his voice was barely audible, he wasn't sure if she could even hear him. The bottle of wisky in his hand Jay continue to drink in silence. His eyes were lost somewhere as his mind. Each thing he had saw in the past slowly came back to haunting him, once again Jay was in a bad shape morally. The former ranger couldn't think straight, he couldn't even close his eyes without seeing horrible things.

Suddenly the picture of his parents lying on the ground covered by their own blood, looking at their lovely son, knowing that it was the end for them. It was twenty one years ago but Jay will always remember the look in his father's and his mother's eyes after they were shot in the same way that he could never forget the looks on the face of his brothers and sister who died overseas.

"Jay." The voice of his partner echoes in the bar as he realize there wasn't any noise. "Jay" She repeat softy. "What happened today is not your fault and..."

"You really don't understand." He cut her off a little to harshly knowing that he already said this before. "It's not just about today." Jay add without looking at her, his eyes still focus on the bottle of whisky which was now almost empty. "It's about everything Lindsay, everything that happened in my life. Seeing Maddy lying on the floor remind me...my parents, my friends who died overseas the small body of the children I had to carry to their parents and Ben. I can still see his face Erin. You know it's take me so much time to finally...go ahead but I had managed...and in less than twenty four hours... " He didn't finish his sentence he prefer drink a little more to drown his sorrows and may be wipe the picture of his parents lying on the ground of his memory. Although it wasn't possible Jay didn't want to remind of his parents like that.

Erin gazes at her partner not knowing what to say. It was the first time she ever saw him like that, today was the first time Jay Halstead shows his weaknesses and as at the hospital she didn't know how to react. Yet she knows him and she knows how to comfort people, she does it every day. However, with Jay it was different, it was like she didn't recognize him and it's maybe because she never saw him act as now. Lindsay could remember how many times she teased him saying he had a heart of stone, reproaching him of not showing his feelings. Actually she was right at one point, Jay is not the type of guy has expressing his feelings so easily and she will never blame him for that, it's what they have in common. However, she knows it can end badly if he keep every problems deep inside his soul without letting anyone in.

Right now Erin Lindsay was ready to help her partner who clearly need a shoulder to lean on. She was sure that each things he confesses her tonight, Jay never really told anyone. In fact they know each other since two years now and she know barely nothing about him. Until today she never heard him talk about his family neither about his time overseas.

"Jack Daniels is not helping Jay." She said calmly putting her hand on his arms carefully.

"He's my best friend for now."

"You had enough for tonight." Erin sight taking the bottle out of his hand he didn't even move, to be honest Jay hadn't the strength to fight with her or anyone. "Come on, we go home." She took his hand in hers looking deeply in his eyes with a small smile on her lips.

"Sorry." He mumble.

"Don't be."

* * *

><p>"You want to talk about it ?" Erin ask him as he lay down on her bed kicking off his shoes.<p>

"Maybe tomorrow." He replied fully conscience of his words making her doubt that he drunk a entire bottle of whisky. "I'm sorry, I didn't to...make you come at the bar at one in the morning and I'm sorry that you seeing me like that. I was pretty pathetic."

"No you wasn't." She whisper lying down next to him. "You have weaknesses like everyone but I think it's the first time I saw them at the hospital and at the bar."

"Yeah well I...when I was young I learn to never show my weakness."

"I learn that to. Why are you not drunk ? How is even possible ?" She ask him make him smile.

"I may be have Irish blood in veins."

"What happened to your parents ?" She ask him after a few seconds of silence, when she look up at him Erin immediately regret it. Jay suddenly straightens and sat down on the bed. "I'm sorry." Her hand went down and up his back trying to comfort him. "I shouldn't have ask you that."

They stand here for a moment in the silence. Neither of them dared saying something. Erin wanted to tell him about his mother, how much pain she causes in the past and still now. She wanted to lean on him, to let herself cry for once and show her weaknesses like he did today, but was it the right moment ?

"You didn't tell my why you where wearing this black dress tonight."

"I went to my mother's wedding. I don't know even why I came why I give her second chance. It's crazy." Erin finally said looking at her partner who carefully listened to her. "She's my blood but she's not my family."

"Hey...whatever happened I will stand by you." He saw a smile appears on her lips when she realize that he use the same words that her a few hours ago. "As always."

They stared at each other in silence for a moment. Jay was totally lost in her eyes, all he wanted for now was to taste her lips. But it was definitely not the good timing and even if he could read the desire in her eyes he knows he couldn't it wasn't right.

"I..I'm gonna have a quick shower." she stutters a little before walking toward the bathroom.

When Erin left the bathroom after a hot shower she headed straight to her bed and lay down next to him like hours before, hoping silently that he was finally asleep. Jay was turning his back to her so she couldn't see if he was sleeping however she heard him breathing loudly when she lean on him she notices his eyes were closed. Erin passed her hand on his cheek glad that her partner finally fall asleep.

* * *

><p><strong><em>So how did you find this chapter ? You still like it ? <em>**

**_Let me know what's your though about it and if there is something you wanna see in the next chapters._ **


	4. Still in the desert

**_I don't know what to say beside I'm really sorry that it take that long to update. So this chapter introduce a new storyline and I hope you will like it. And I'm sorry for the mistake but I didn't take the time to correct the chapter._**

**_Anyway I hope you will enjoy this chapter like the others._**

* * *

><p><strong><em>Chapter 3 : Still in the desert<em>**

When Erin woke up, the sun was shining through the window which dazzled her a little. After a few seconds she turn to see face her partner but quickly notice she was in an empty bed. "Where the hell did you go again ?" It was the first thing that pass in her mind until she looks up and realize that Jay was standing here, turning his back to her watching the sun rising. He was only wearing his jeans, his hair were wet as he just get out of the shower.

"Morning." She said with a raspy voice passing a hand through her hair.

"Hey." He didn't say more and he turned to face her. "I made some breakfast if you want and...coffee." He said handing her a cup of a hot coffee.

"Thanks." She hold the cup in her hand and trying to fight the desire of looking as his bare chest but Erin cannot help and just star at her shirtless partner. She tried her best to avoid the fact that he wasn't wearing any shirt but she failed each time. At this moment she was even sure Jay notice her look.

"Look I...would really appreciate if you didn't tell anyone about...yesterday at the hospital." Jay start seating next to her.

"Jay." She cut him off softy putting her cup of coffee on the nightstand.

"I know you won't but...whatever." He got up and for the first time since she focus her eyes on his chest she noticed some marks on his skin. They weren't really visible, however she could see it anyway. "Everything okay ?" Jay ask her putting his shirt on. "Oh, no don't say anything. I understand that you dazzled by my perfect body." He smirk.

"I saw a lot better." She said punching his arms gently.

"So the fireman is a lot better than me ? Your hurt my feelings." He said one of his hand on his chest. "By the way, how is it going with him ?"

"We broke up, actually I broke up with him."

"Why ?" He ask seating next to her and began lacing his boots quickly. "I though things were doing great between you two ?"

"Well until Shay's death everything was great. Kelly lost his best friend and...I will be there for him but as a friend." Erin told him as she gets up of her bed.

"I think you know already it but...you can't help someone who don't too. It's like everything, Nadia wouldn't have stop...if she didn't wanted to stop taking drugs. My father he...actually he stop drinking mom told him so it's not a good example."

At this moment Erin realize his past wasn't maybe as easy that she thought. Until yesterday she thought that her partner grown up in a "normal" family and was maybe a rebellious teenager and it's why he ended up in the army. She considered the possibility of him having no family anymore. Then she remember the scars she saw on his skin, the idea of someone hurting him turned her stomach up and down.

"Seriously what's wrong ?" Her partner ask her one more time. She could see the concerned in his eyes, he was worried while she was worried about him. "Is it about your mother ?"

"No it's nothing really, where are you going ?" She ask him when she notice that he just put his jacket on. "You know you can stay, it's really not a problem."

"It's nearly...six" He replied a bit shock thinking it was time to go to work. Actually they still have one hour.

"You didn't sleep that much am I right ?"

Jay sat at the edge of the bed looking at his partner a small smile on his lips. What he could have tell her, she already knows the answer.

Erin wanted to learn more about him. She wanted him to confide in her like she did some time ago but judging by the look in his eyes she could tell that he wasn't ready.

"My parent's death are not usually the things that keeps me awake I...I turned the page."

"So...so what is it ?"

"I'm still in the desert, searching for an exit door to finally come back home. It's like I'm stuck in the past, stuck in Afghanistan with my brothers and my sister dying around me. It's been nine year and I'm still in the desert." Jay wasn't looking at her anymore, he was totally lost in his mind, he wasn't even with her. The former soldier tried his best to turn the page but in vain. Even if he knew it will be hard and long to finally be alright no one told him he will never be the same and will never be able to. Then he felt a hand on his, Jay slowly came back to the reality. "You don't know how hard is it to leave with this guilt. It's killing me. I can't even look at my reflection on the mirror. I feel ashamed."

"Jay..." She start but didn't say anything. Actually she didn't know what she could have told him. "You didn't forget didn't you ? I will stand by you. Always." At this moment her voice was only a whispered, her eyes lock with his she finally understand one thing. Her partner, Jay Halstead, one of the toughest guy she knew was still haunted by war.

"I can leave with...what people did to me when I was young, I can survive to my parent's death but I still don't know how to survive to what I did and saw back there." Jay said breaking the silence. "People who know said I'm a fighter...and they are right but sometimes..." His eyes et hers. "Sometimes I'm just tired of fighting. I'm tired to be the one who came back alive, I'm tired of nightmares, of the memories and I'm tired to not being able to talk to someone about that because they don't understand." He was still looking at her deep in the eyes but In some way he wasn't here standing next to her, like he said a few minutes ago he was in the desert.

"You...you manage to..." She stop herself in her sentence knowing it wasn't the right think to say because she wouldn't heard that to. "People are right Jay, you're a fighter and some people will fight all their life. I mean look at me." She smile a little trying to comfort him. "We all fight for something."

The former soldier slowly got up of the bed as he murmured "I know." almost inaudible. He looked at his watch, it was half past six, and he leave the room without saying a word.

"Where are you going ?" Lindsay ask her partner as he made his way toward the door.

"See some friends." He replied simply.

* * *

><p>His eyes stared at the white graves, he didn't say anything, he didn't move he just stared at them in silence. After some moments he made his way through the cemetery touching the graves with the tips of his fingers. He didn't read the name that was on it, they were all fallen soldier which give their live for this country. Some were his friends as others were unknown from him but it didn't matter. They were all his brothers and sisters. Then he stopped in front of one and he slowly knelt. Oliver Fleming, he was one of his best friend. He died in his arms during a ambush. Jay was the one who give his wife the letter he wrote. He could never forget that day or the way Melinda, Oliver's wife, start to hit him in the chest yelling <em>"You killed my husband."<em> multiple times. He remembered staying quiet and at the end he just take her in his arms trying to comfort her the best he could.

They all died back there, Jay was the only member of his unit who made it alive but at what price ? Nobody knows how hard is it to be called the _" the survivor" e_ach time he heard this word it's remind him how much he lost.

* * *

><p>Seating on his partner desk, Jay was carefully listening Voight beefing them about the new case. As the minutes he saw the picture on the board he knew he gonna be a though one. The guy they search for was a in the army. He was a soldier like him and judging by what Voight just say, they was a large chance that this guy suffered from war.<p>

"I repeat, he's dangerous, if you saw him you called for back up. He's armed and his kids are with him so you don't do anything stupid."

* * *

><p><strong><em>So how did you found this chapter ? Tell what you like or didn't like. I really want to know your thoughts so go ahead. Is there anything you would like to see in the next chapter ? If so tell me in the review. I love you all and I promise it will not take that long to update. At least I hope.<em>**


	5. War change us

_**One again I wanted to thank you all of you for the reviews it's mean everything for me. Thank you everyone. Also I already start the next chapter.  
><strong>_

_**So here's the chapter five, I hope will like it. Enjoy**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter four : War change us<strong> _

"Hey you're alright man ?" Dawson ask Jay which still hadn't move from his partner's desk. His eyes were focus on the board but he wasn't actually there. In fact, once again, he was back in the desert. He took him some seconds to realize that Antonio was talking to him. "You're okay ?" He ask him again.

"Yeah, it's just...nothing." He replied.

"He had the silver stars, two times, it's one of the most prestigious medal a soldier can have how..."

"It's just some medals Ruzek. Steel and cloth nothing more than just steel and a piece of cloth."

"I'm just wondering why he's like that now. I mean he almost kill his wife and...

"Remind me to not let you talk to him.I'm serious Ruzek you don't know by what he been through back there so you shut up."

"Look I know you where in the army and..."

"You don't know anything Ruzek." At this time his voice was only a whispered, he wasn't even sure if he heard him. Jay sat at his desk passing one of his hand through his hair. He was already tired. All he wanted was the end of the case, because the more it will last, the more it will affect him.

"Johnny Donnelly, he's lieutenant might have some information for us. Halstead, Lindsay go talk to him." Voight said with his usual rought voice.

The ride to the base was silence, but instead of the other time, it wasn't a comfortable silence. It was annoying. As usual, Lindsay was behind the whell as Halstead was on the passenger sit. However this time, his lips were seals, if he had to be honest he would tell that he just don't have the courage to talk.

"You're alright? " Lindsay ask him breaking the silence.

"Don't know. " It was the only thing he said and he didn't lie at all. For now he had no idea how he was feeling or how he should feeling.

"We serve in Irak together, I'm still shock about what he done. I don't understand." Donnelly start one of his hands rubbing his left leg.

"On the phone you say that you might have some things to tell us, what is it ?" Erin ask him softy.

"He certify in a file when he came home that he was alright I don't..."

"Oh yeah the file." Halstead say sarcastically.

"I call you by courtesy, I could have not. I think it's nice of me... "

"Give me that file." Halstead cut him off as he take the file and start to read, it didn't change with the time. The file ask the same crazy questions. "Those paper are fucking bullshit. Thank you Colonel for wasting our time." He said as he got up and leave the room letting his partner alone with the colonel.

"Halstead ?" He heard Lindsay calling his name. "What the hell his wrong with you he was trying to help us ?"

"Helping us ?" He repeat mocking her. "With telling us that he said he was alright because it's wrote in some file ? You kidding me right ? Those paper are bullshit Erin..."

"Hey calm down." She had to raise her voice to make him stop talking. She could understand he was angry but she didn't approve the fact the he yelled at her. "Look, this guy almost..."

"This guy ?" He replied a bit shock. "This guy serve his country Erin, he fought for this country he suffered for this country. Nobody think about what happened back there, maybe it's change him, maybe he breakdown, maybe he need help. You know they trains us to go to war but nobody trains us to come back home, because the hardest part in this job it's coming home. He tried to kill his wife he kidnapped his kids, but you never though why he did it ?"

"Jay..." She said softy.

"Do anyone in this unit thought even for one second that he needed help ? Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to forgive what he did, I'm just saying that war change us. War change me Erin, I'm not the same anymore. I hate all those fireworks, I can't looking at my medals without thinking about my friends who died back there."

"Jay...hey look at me. Don't let this case lose you. It's going to be a thought one but I the end I will be there." She whispered putting her hand on his arm.

He didn't know how this case will end, he wasn't even sure if he could survive the day. Each time he closed his eyes, he see his friends lying on the sand dying.

* * *

><p>"Do you guys have anything new ?" Voight ask them.<p>

"Well he stole a car and violently hurt the woman who was driving. This guy his crazy."

"He's sick Ruzek, not crazy." Jay replied a bit angry.

"Sick ? You kidding me ? Stop defending him..."

"I'm not." He yelled as he stood up. "You never ask yourself why ? Why he act like he do ? War change him, war killed him slowly. He need help, not someone who said he's crazy."

"If he really needed help he should..."

"Ruzek...shut up." Olinsky cut him off. "He's right."

Halstead look at him as he remind that Alvin was in the army, and finally the look in his eyes. The look in each soldier eyes, the look that mean that he understand this feeling or what he been through because even if he don't know they were both former soldier which serve their country. Halstead lean on his desk as he take his dog tag on his right hand. He never removed them, their always there, around his neck. It was a part of him, a part of his past and no matter how hard he wanted to forget he couldn't and he don't have the right to forget his friend who died back there. It would be selfish.

"Look I know it a gonna be though case but...if you ever need to talk I'm here kid." Olinsky said softy. "Don't keep that to yourself, I think already know how it will end, and it's never good."

"His wife just woke up." Nadia start, walking toward Voight. "She will be alright but she need some rest."

"I'm going to see her, maybe she will have an idea of where her husband could be." Halstead said as took his jacket and leave the district closely follow by his partner.

* * *

><p>" Since he came back, he is not the same. This person who did this to me...it's not my husband, it's not the man I marry with. I'm leaving with a stranger. He change so much and today...oh my god don't let him hurt my boys."<p>

"We are here to help us. Do you have any idea of where he could go ?" Jay ask her as he sat on the chair near the bed.

"Why...I don't know why he do that ?"

"You know." Jay start. "I was in the army before and I can tell you that coming home is another war for us but unfortunately it's a invisible war. We fight alone and sometimes it's become to hard. They call it post traumatic stress disorder, a lot of words to say that we aren't alright." He stop for a few seconds. "It's like I was stuck in the desert, watching my friend dying around me. I tried to find an exit door but...I can't. It's been nine years, and I still have nightmares, I still see the blood on my hands, see their face. We are haunted by our past, by what we saw and did. What your husband did his unforgivable but you need to understand that if he act like that his mainly because of what happened back there. He need help, we need to find him. Your kids aren't safe with him, and your husband isn't safe with himself. "

Erin watch her partner talking softy with the woman trying his best to explain to her the situation. And he was the only one which could, but she didn't give them anything. She was lost and for the moment she wasn't able to talk with them.

* * *

><p>"Where's Halstead ?" Antonio ask Lindsay.<p>

"I don't know." Erin look at her coworker and friend ready to share her concern. "This case is going to kill him Antonio. It's been only a day and...I mean it's already start to kill him slowly. " She lean on her chair still worried about her partner.

"I saw that."

"I'm going to his apartment, maybe he's there." She hope he was at his place instead been seating behind a bar drinking like he did yesterday.

In fact he wasn't there. She understand that he wanted some time alone however she wanted to see him, see that he was alright.

After an hour to wander in the darkness of the night, she finally find him. At first she wasn't sure it was Jay because all she could see was the back of a man. But after some seconds she recognized him. Of course she should have guess he would be there. He was in this military cemetery, at the input there was an inscription _"to our beloved brothers and sisters"_ He was standing in front of those white grave. She hesitate for a few second and she decide to see him. She get out of her car, and walk silently toward him. Then she didn't say anything, she just put her hand on his shoulder knowing that many of his friends were here in this cemetery.

* * *

><p><strong><em>I hope you enjoyed this chapter ? How did you find it ? Tell me your opinion, good or bad.<em> **


End file.
